LIFE STORY

Given below are very difficult circumstances of somebody’s life. But I know that so many will relate to them in small or large measure. My attempt is to give this state of affairs a different meaning and possible resolution.

Someone wrote: DEAR NAUSHIR, Thanks for ur kind guidance in every sphere of life. Now my problem is to know that how should one navigate through a marriage in which there is zero love, happiness, understanding or any sharing, caring. Suffocation is the overwhelming feeling and children and society are the only binding factors. Every now and then I tend to plunge into depression. I fail to recollect a second of satisfaction, happiness, or fulfillment. How do one find energy to survive such a relationship. Please give me a reason

My Answer: The above situation is one I have spoken on and counseled some hundreds of times but obviously always in private. Since this is the first time I am writing publicly on failed or difficult marriages, please understand that what I say has universal applicability so that you understand why you are in the situation you face today. I cannot offer specific solutions without knowing the details as the variables in each individual case are too many for a standard formula.

From the details the reader has given I presume separation or divorce is not an option at the moment, for whatever reason. Hence I will go on the assumption that you may have to continue in this relationship for a while longer. I am also presuming this person has not attended any of my empowerment programs or spiritual courses, which would have given a fairly good idea why we find ourselves in these situations and what to do about them. However I am giving my answer in two sections. One is to understand why this happens to you and two, how to best deal with such situations.

KNOW WHY: Every person who plays the role of a big or small ‘villain’ in our lives is chosen by us, allowed by us and mutually consented to play that particular role. Most of the traumatic situations one encounters, which are not a direct result of one’s negative reactions or stupidity, are also contracted and mutually agreed upon. This is what making of the blueprint is all about. This is exactly what we term as destiny. And believe me when I say this, each and every relationship, event, trauma and aspect of your blueprint are planned by you, agreed upon and allowed to come into your life. Since almost all this planning takes place at the non-physical level of existence (read astral), and we come into physicality with thick veils of ignorance over our consciousness, this planning is unknown to us. In fact we humans are not allowed access to astral memory hence we never remember what we do between lifetimes.

I am not going to go into the intricate details of how we plan a lifetime at the spirit level and the dynamics that go into such an unimaginably complex contract, as that is little consolation to the suffering soul. What is more relevant is to know why you would plan trauma and pain for yourself. Does it not sound insane that you would weave suffering into your life when you could as easily design a life filled with supreme happiness, wealth, fun, beauty, and perfect health? Well that’s the difference between a human being and a disembodied soul in the spirit world.

There are some important reasons why we choose suffering in our blueprint. Nobody and I mean not even an Avatar can escape the Universal law of Cause and Effect generally called Karma. Once a negative debt is incurred it must be squared off through suffering, pain or loss regardless of which lifetime that debt was incurred. But this may not be the only reason. At times a soul needs to learn important lessons to overcome and rectify negative qualities or traits it sees as impediments in its spiritual growth. Sadly we humans learn only through pain rather than example. At times a soul wants to go through a particular experience in physical form to educate itself. This is necessary as a soul must record every type of human experience before it can free itself from the life-death cycle. Hence the exact reason why we go through a particular suffering is not known but would definitely fall under one of the broad categories mentioned above.

Now here comes the twist in the tale. To give us suffering we need ‘villains.’ So just like a director of a movie would choose an actor best suited for a role, we too choose the soul who would be in the best position to bring the pain and suffering to us. And who would do that better than a spouse? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against spouses or marriages. It’s just that the person with closest proximity can inflict maximum pain. The converse is also true. A spouse can also give immense happiness, just depends what role that person is asked to play in your life. Similarly the roles can reverse and at times we also agree to play the villain’s role in somebody else’s life.

And do you know what is most amazing in this entire equation. On most occasions the worst ‘villains’ on the physical plane causing you grievous hurt are your closest and dearest astral friends. Know why??? Because no other soul agreed to play the role of a ‘villain’ for your benefit. I know all this sounds so bizarre, but trust me this is the honest truth.

THE NAVIGATION: Since one of the reasons we choose suffering in our lives is to grow spiritually, it is very important how you deal with traumatic situations. Most times we simply react, inflict intentional pain that is not contracted, and increase karmic debt. But there are better and spiritually mature ways to handle such situations, including moving away from the ‘villain’ in your life. I personally believe one must do SOMETHING other than crying and blaming one’s destiny which in any case is your own handiwork.

Coming specifically to a disastrous marriage. If you intend to salvage the relationship I have taught the use of some very powerful tools to bring about the change required in yourself, your spouse, and also heal the relationship. Some tools use energy the others the power of your Soul. I normally suggest one tries hard to bring about a change and save the relationship. But if the pain is too intense or the relationship is abusive, in short things have gone beyond the point of reconciliation then one must think in terms of ending such a relationship and starting fresh. You owe this to yourself.

A divorce is the logical, legal solution to such a problem, but often it’s a very difficult choice, especially for women in less progressive nations of the east. Two problems referred by the anonymous reader were children and society that kept one bound to a marriage. Here it is a question of overcoming one’s fears. A divorce court will always provide financially for the children. If it’s a question of single parenting, I feel too much hullabaloo is made about it. Millions of children grow up with one parent and grow up to be wonderful, successful human beings, including yours truly. According to me the two parent theory is utter bullcrap. Children are better off with one parent than be subjected to abuse, hostility or disharmony between parents.

That leaves society. Thankfully in the 21^st century divorce is no longer a social stigma it once used to be. Will people talk about it? Sure, but gossip is like a newspaper. The moment it becomes stale it loses all value. So go through the gossip period of a week or month, at least you can have a new lease of life after that.

But it’s very important how you disentangle from a heavily karmic relationship. If the balance karma is left to be worked out then no matter how many relationships you get into, pain will follow. A divorce will only change the face of the ‘villain’ not end the suffering. Hence always complete a relationship spiritually before ending it physically. You know you have completed a karmic relationship if you feel a complete absence of negative emotions for the ‘villain’ including hatred, hurt or guilt. What I’m trying to say is avoid jumping from frying pan to the fire.

All this reminds me of a beautiful couplet by the poet-saint Kabir.

Tu chahe lakh kare chaturai re

Karam ka lekh mitay na re bhai

(Meaning: No matter how clever and cunning you may be, there is no way you can erase your karmic debts).