GAME, SET AND MISMATCH

Arguably there are two decisions, which to my mind, are the most important and critical decisions a human being takes in his or her lifetime. The first is the choice of a career and the other is the choice of a life partner. One may think both these will be influenced by destiny and the blueprint one is born with. True, but within the blueprint there are multiple options and we do exercise a choice in respect of both career and partner. However let me also clarify that what happens to a majority of people. The destiny to enjoy or suffer a certain career or a certain partner is so strong that external circumstances push us into making a particular choice. Sometimes we are simply blinded by the emotions of the moment and the fuzzy logic function of our brain ensures we take some pretty dumb decisions, which of course we realize in hindsight.

Coming to the choice of a life partner, there is always an element of choice no matter how slim, unless one is getting married at gunpoint or is subject to some other coercion. In most parts of the world the decision to get married is made entirely by the two people concerned. However in South Asia and particularly India the system of family arranged marriages is the norm across large sections of society regardless of caste, community, affluence or education. So predominant is this practice that despite education or international exposure, a child is completely conditioned to believe that choice of a life partner is the prerogative of the parents and family and the individual has a very small role to play in this decision. This is not to say that love marriages don’t take place. They do all the time and increasingly people are asserting their right to decide for themselves, but if one has to see the statistics this would be a woeful minority.

Anyway my issue is not with love marriages or arranged ones, it’s with who takes or influences the final call. In case of love, the issue is settled as fuzzy logic takes over and family, friends and society in short the whole world can go to hell, when two lovers decide to come together. However in arranged marriages, besides the numerous considerations involved and the number of people whose opinions matter, the family astrologer is given top priority and all too often has the dubious distinction of calling the shots.

Now for a moment let me digress from the topic of marriages to astrology.

Q. Is astrology for real? Does it have some semi-scientific basis?

A. Yes to both questions.

Q. Do position of stars at birth and planetary movements really affect us?

A. Astrological birth chart is like taking a sneak peak at your blueprint showing the major potentials in life. Due to magnetic properties, planetary movements thereafter act like timing devices along the way indicating when various windows of opportunities will present themselves, or at times uncover situations and circumstances you have had no hand in bringing into your life.

Q. Can one depend on astrology to give a fool-proof view of our life ahead?

A. NO! MOST DEFINITELY NOT. Astrology suffers from the same limitations as all other divinations and future telling methods. Firstly the competency, expertise and honesty of the astrologer come into question. There is no human who is an infallible expert in any field of divination. It’s always like driving through thick fog. Each one can have several interpretations of the road ahead. Secondly all forms of divinations including astrology only show potentials like a road-map shows the route. It cannot and does not take into account variables like free will and other choices we make.

Now apply astrology to marriage. The astrologer studies both horoscopes, lists the number of qualities or Gunas that are common to both, then pronounces the final judgment; matched or mismatched. Assuming the astrologer is competent all he can see in the stars are the potentials of a relationship between two people. It does not mean the two people are not supposed to come together and the relationship is slated for disaster. WHETHER A RELATIONSHIP IS A SUCCESS OR DISASTER DEPENDS ON HOW THE TWO PARTIES HANDLE EACH OTHER AND NO HOROSCOPE CAN PREDICT THAT.

What I am trying to say is horoscopes are redundant to proscribe the success or failure of a marriage. If the stars could actually foretell that then the whole lot of divorce lawyers would be on government dole. So even when an astrologer predicts doom for a prospective match the couple can have a long, harmonious and fulfilling relationship if they make a little effort to make it work. Conversely a couple slated for a dream marriage by an astrologer could land up in the divorce court in a few years if not months. I am absolutely certain most arranged marriages that fail or where the couples live in misery have been given very high marks by some astrologer before the marriage.

Finally let’s get one thing clear. You cannot cheat destiny. If you have to suffer, complete some karma, learn important lessons there is no way out. So dump the crystal-ball gazers and marry whoever your heart desires, because even if you get a great spouse you can always get the worst boss.